In no particular order…
* When choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
* Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
* Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
* To treat high blood pressure: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
* A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
* If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you’ll be afraid to cough.
* You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
When confused remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but they
bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.